No one believes me!!!

[crazygirl69]

I come here a lot to read other's stories and its the only thing that keeps me believing that I am not insane or dying from some terrible disease. I have posted a couple times a few months ago. I could not and still can't find a Dr to help me taper; I quit cold turkey for about a week but had to reinstate because I felt so bad and was scared of seizures. I tapered myself off 2mg Klonopin in 5 weeks, still too fast I know, but  now I've been 1 month tomorrow totally off and I hate to turn back now. But I still feel soooo bad.

I am used to (somewhat) the dizziness and depersonalization, but the physical pain is excruciating. My neck and the center of my back hurt constantly. My fingers ache and I can't grip things. My stomach is always upset and the muscles even hurt like I've done a thousand sit ups. My legs are so heavy and weak. I could sleep all the time. I had about 4 really good days in the second week off, but it all came back. Does anyone else hurt like this?

The worst part is, my family and friends don't believe it's benzo withdrawal. If I say anything about it, they want me to go and get more tests for fibromyalgia or MS or Lupus. I've already had several tests and blood work from my GP (who doesn't think it's related to benzo withdrawal). Everything checks out fine. So then, because of my history of depression and anxiety, they think it's all psychological and want me to get back on some meds. My husband told me after about 2 weeks of lying in bed that if I didn't get up and go to the doctor, he would have me committed. It's my worst fear that he will take me to another doctor who doesn't believe me and put me on more drugs that I'm going to have to start all over with.

How does anyone manage to check out for months or years until this goes away??? I have 3 children and a job and a husband who travels a lot. I can't afford outside help. I have to get up at 6am and get kids to school and go to work and clean my house and go to football practice and help with homework and cook dinner, etc. There's no one else to do it. So I just cry to myself in the shower or alone in my car and pray for strength and for this nightmare to end. I walk slowly and try not to fall down the steps when my legs feel like they don't work anymore. I take warm baths and put the heating pad on my back when I can. I try to listen and concentrate when my children share their day with me, even though my mind is floating in a cloud. I try not to make too many mistakes at work. I've stopped telling people what is wrong; they don't believe me anyway. I tried printing things off the internet about withdrawal to show my family and friends, but most of the responses are "You can diagnose yourself with anything on the internet. If this is a real thing, then why can't you find a doctor who will say so." And I've looked so hard to find a doctor to help me, but I've had no luck.

So please, I'm asking anyone, how can I find a doctor in Charlotte, NC who truly believes in the severity and duration of this terrible withdrawal from benzos? Even if he can't help my pain, just telling my family(and me!) that this is real would be so helpful.

Thank you to anyone who will take the time to read all this. I know you are all going through your own pain. I just don't know how much longer I can live like this.

[SUE]

Hi
First of all you are not nuts this is for REAL. It is as real as it gets. I can relate to every single word in your post.
I can relate to you pain!!! I have lived it for 2 years!
I can relate to your responsibilities as I have the same.
I can also relate to your family not believing you and this is so much added pain in itself.
The best thing to do is keep going on as you are. It will get easier I promise over time.
How long have you been off ?
Sometimes its just better to let them not believe. IF you have to check out then that is what you have to do. I checked out for 1.5 years and now that I am starting to get back on my feet I have no idea how everyone lived without me but they did and they survived with my limited abilities.
You are sick and you have to take care of yourself in order to get better.
I am sorry for your pain. If your getting all the tests done and they are normal you are not making this up this is fro real what so many suffer.
It can be very brutal and your family needs to understand this.
We have a family section here if you would like to welcome them aboard and we can help educate them in any way needed and answer any questions they might have.
Make your self at home here many have walked the road you are on and are able to help you.
Sue

[lasseter334]

CG,

Your story is both common and very sad. I don't know anyone in Charolette. I did send you a p.m. with a few thoughts.

It will get better and it is going to take some time.

[Pam]

Hi,

Sorry you are going through all this.  It's just not fair.

I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I jumped off .50mg of klonopin pretty fast, and now I am 21 months off and still pretty sick.  I hung in there because people told me I would be better in a few weeks or maybe at the worst, a few months.  So I held out instead of reinstating, but it wasn't to be.  I went into protracted withdrawal.  Not saying this will happen to you, but the probability is high since you pretty much cold turkey'd.  

I still have people who don't believe me either.  No one can really believe this unless it happens to you.  It's just unfathomable.  But searching for answers with more medical tests will be a waste of money.  If you've already had tests and nothing found.....it's the drug.  Your symptoms are classic benzo withdrawal.  

I recall being afraid my husband would force me into a hospital back when I was REALLY bad. He never threatened me with that, but I didn't see how it was possible to avoid it.  So I casually warned him.  I told him if he ever forced me into a psych ward, I would immediately divorce him and take every penny he had.  And I also said I would get alimony because of disability, and I would take his 401K and he would have nothing. He knows so many men who have been cleaned out by ex wives, and he wants no part of that.  
He just laughed at me and said he would never do that.  If he was considering it, he dropped that idea because he loves his money.  >

I had to show my family tons of articles, stories, books, videos...you name it.  I made them read it.  Now, some believe me, some still don't.  My husband does because he knows I was never like this before I took that wretched drug.

I think you should consider reinstating and tapering slower.  Waiting it out may be a loooooooong wait.  Once you get past a certain point in withdrawal, it may be too late to reinstate and you will be forced to wait it out.

So sorry this is happening to you.  Wish I could tell you for sure what would help.  

[crazygirl69]

Thank you all for responding. Just hearing from people who really believe me gives me comfort. I think about reinstating everyday. My husband just told me that until I found a doctor who would back this up, he didn't know if he could ever really believe it. He keeps thinking its a mental thing. It's sad. At least I don't feel alone when I'm here. Thanks again!

[BenzosNoMore]

You're NOT alone!!!  I have been suffering this mess around 3 years, between Ativan use, fast taper and post benzo time.  I have been where you are and let me tell you, more ppl will eventually believe you when they see you improve over time.  Mental illness does not just go away magically...so they will see it HAD to be the meds.  Those who really knew me...knew there was no way I could have changed my personality THAT much.  But it wasn't easy to get them to see the validity in my sickness.  I feel your pain, COMPLETELY!!!

Welcome to our board...we will help you as best we can.

HUGS...

Lisa

[Peigi]

Hi All,
I have struggled with this topic from day one. Nobody around me believes me about all my problems being from the drugs. My Mom had really just started opening up to the idea before she died in January. She was my only support. My sisters have all but abandon me and do not want to hear anything about it. The man I was dating for 8 years left me 3 months into the w/d because he said I had lost a grip on life. I dont tell the man I am seeing now much about it. I dont see him everyday so I can hide it for the most part. He knows the story, but has no idea how bad I really am. I am keeping him in the dark for fear he too will turn and run. So... I think this issue goes far beyond what anyone would even think could happen.

But hang in there... it does get better and someday we will be 100% and can say... Ha! Told you.....  :

~Peigi

[rhet]

I understand your pain and all the problems you're going through. I know my family has their doubts, but I think my husband has finally accepted it after I went through a multitude of tests and doctors came up empty handed. I also know how difficult it can be to find a good doctor who will understand the true cause of your symptoms. I switched doctors three times before I finally found an internal medicine doctor who understood what I was going through. Finally, someone in the medical profession believed what I was saying, assured me that the symptoms will pass in time and refused to prescribe any more medication for me. I call it withdrawal - she calls it hypersensitvity to medicine. Whatever, at least we agree and she is willing to manage my health without drugs. So there are a few good doctors out there - it just takes time to find them. You are doing the right thing. Focus on your self and your healing. Your kids will survive even when you know you are just going through the motions. It's hard but this website has helped me in so many ways. A person doesn't fully understand withdrawal from benzos until they actually go through it. We have - we know. Take care, Rhet

[marco]

Although I live in Texas, I know of a LPC in your area who is familar with benzo withdrawal. She might be able help you validate things with your family.  E-mail me at ntresearchlab@yahoo.com if you want info.
Marco   

[JimInMaryland]

  It is not surprising at all.   99.8% of all doctors CAN'T  admit there is a problem, because THEY helped cause it.

  When I was in emergency room yesterday from trying to cold turkey....  a young lady doctor listened to me about the
 whole benzo racket.  She closed an open door to my cubicle, pulled the shade shut and very quietly said I was right,
 but no doctor will admit there is a problem because most prescibed benzo's for years and most of their repeat
 customers are the ones coming in for benzo refills.  She said there are deliberatly no dosage levels in the pill form that
 will let anyone quit.

  She then opened the curtain and door.

  I think that she was TRYING to tell us something, eh?

  jim

[BenzosNoMore]

  It is not surprising at all.   99.8% of all doctors CAN'T  admit there is a problem, because THEY helped cause it.

  When I was in emergency room yesterday from trying to cold turkey....  a young lady doctor listened to me about the
 whole benzo racket.  She closed an open door to my cubicle, pulled the shade shut and very quietly said I was right,
 but no doctor will admit there is a problem because most prescibed benzo's for years and most of their repeat
 customers are the ones coming in for benzo refills.  She said there are deliberatly no dosage levels in the pill form that
 will let anyone quit.

  She then opened the curtain and door.

  I think that she was TRYING to tell us something, eh?

  jim

THE TRUTH...ahhh, what a concept.

[luckyduckyboy23]

Over the past year i have been switching from xanex, ativan, klonopin and valium. I am tapering my dose of klonopin down to about .5 mg everyother day. Its extremely difficult. I feel like I dont have control over my mind. All the stuff you guys are talking about (execpt physical pain) is happening to me. It makes me feel sane that other people can relate to what im feeling. Thank you!

[BenzosNoMore]

The real world doesn't seem to get it.  You have to seek out places like this board to find ppl who KNOW your pain!!!  Welcome, Lucky... and please start a thread and tell us your story in greater detail.  We want to help.

Lisa

[mike59]

  It is not surprising at all.   99.8% of all doctors CAN'T  admit there is a problem, because THEY helped cause it.

  When I was in emergency room yesterday from trying to cold turkey....  a young lady doctor listened to me about the
 whole benzo racket.  She closed an open door to my cubicle, pulled the shade shut and very quietly said I was right,
 but no doctor will admit there is a problem because most prescibed benzo's for years and most of their repeat
 customers are the ones coming in for benzo refills.  She said there are deliberatly no dosage levels in the pill form that
 will let anyone quit.

  She then opened the curtain and door.

  I think that she was TRYING to tell us something, eh?

  jim

Amazing, just amazing.  You could almost swear they are trying to create a market for their drugs and the doctors are willing accomplices. 

[nightwatchman]

I come here a lot to read other's stories and its the only thing that keeps me believing that I am not insane or dying from some terrible disease. I have posted a couple times a few months ago. I could not and still can't find a Dr to help me taper; I quit cold turkey for about a week but had to reinstate because I felt so bad and was scared of seizures. I tapered myself off 2mg Klonopin in 5 weeks, still too fast I know, but  now I've been 1 month tomorrow totally off and I hate to turn back now. But I still feel soooo bad.

I am used to (somewhat) the dizziness and depersonalization, but the physical pain is excruciating. My neck and the center of my back hurt constantly. My fingers ache and I can't grip things. My stomach is always upset and the muscles even hurt like I've done a thousand sit ups. My legs are so heavy and weak. I could sleep all the time. I had about 4 really good days in the second week off, but it all came back. Does anyone else hurt like this?

The worst part is, my family and friends don't believe it's benzo withdrawal. If I say anything about it, they want me to go and get more tests for fibromyalgia or MS or Lupus. I've already had several tests and blood work from my GP (who doesn't think it's related to benzo withdrawal). Everything checks out fine. So then, because of my history of depression and anxiety, they think it's all psychological and want me to get back on some meds. My husband told me after about 2 weeks of lying in bed that if I didn't get up and go to the doctor, he would have me committed. It's my worst fear that he will take me to another doctor who doesn't believe me and put me on more drugs that I'm going to have to start all over with.

How does anyone manage to check out for months or years until this goes away??? I have 3 children and a job and a husband who travels a lot. I can't afford outside help. I have to get up at 6am and get kids to school and go to work and clean my house and go to football practice and help with homework and cook dinner, etc. There's no one else to do it. So I just cry to myself in the shower or alone in my car and pray for strength and for this nightmare to end. I walk slowly and try not to fall down the steps when my legs feel like they don't work anymore. I take warm baths and put the heating pad on my back when I can. I try to listen and concentrate when my children share their day with me, even though my mind is floating in a cloud. I try not to make too many mistakes at work. I've stopped telling people what is wrong; they don't believe me anyway. I tried printing things off the internet about withdrawal to show my family and friends, but most of the responses are "You can diagnose yourself with anything on the internet. If this is a real thing, then why can't you find a doctor who will say so." And I've looked so hard to find a doctor to help me, but I've had no luck.

So please, I'm asking anyone, how can I find a doctor in Charlotte, NC who truly believes in the severity and duration of this terrible withdrawal from benzos? Even if he can't help my pain, just telling my family(and me!) that this is real would be so helpful.

Thank you to anyone who will take the time to read all this. I know you are all going through your own pain. I just don't know how much longer I can live like this.

Crazygirl

How are you doing today?

Please tell me about what kind of medical insurance you have, do you an HMO?

Have you found another doctor, that understands benzo wothdrawal?

Let me know, I would like to help.


Regards Richard

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