I am at my wits ends and need help!

[cataleo]

I would like to suggest that you try not to take anything she does or says right now too much to heart.  Even if she decides to break up with you and says she's going to--if there's any way you can, stall doing anything permanent or irreversible in response. 

I ditto that Rhiannon.
Heart, i understand it's hard and u must be hurt.
and i love what Rhi said, maybe we can 'close some of the doors at the moment, but not locking them'
time will heal ur loved one
and things will be different.

however, i can relate how difficult it is to 'let her/him be' when we are caring her/him so much and seeing he/she is suffering
the truth is nothing we can help, but, i know at least there is one thing we have to do , i.e. take good care of ourselves!
and let our loved one know that no matter what happens , we are here supporting
then, let ' time ' heal.

love,
cat

 

[heart]

Back again.
Shes down to 5mg now and looking at liquid forms for the next step.
We spend most evenings together and she definatly is coping better with the withdrawal as she drops the dosage. The agrophobia is slowing improving.
She has stayed over a couple of times, but now insists we are just dating  and advertises herself as single.
I help her dayly in getting out and about to shops, meals, walks etc. I try to listen to her and try my best to not burden her with anything heavy.
She smiles and holds my hand sometimes, but scratch the surface and I quickly realize the feelings have no depth. Its very difficult to not be upset by this.
She can be quite spiteful and I do not to engage in arguments with her. I really dont think she has any idea of what i am going through, but then I do cover it all up.Trouble is Im starting to feel very emotionally tired.
Her sister seems to have got fed up with it all, and was good for a time, but  expected this would be all over by now (nearly 18 months and counting).

What she does understand is she needs me. Without me she would be housebound and have no encouragement to enjoy the good days and someone to help her through the bad days.

Heart

[cataleo]

She smiles and holds my hand sometimes, but scratch the surface and I quickly realize the feelings have no depth. Its very difficult to not be upset by this.

Dear Heart,

i understand how hard it is,  even you tell yourself the detached feeling is caused by the withdrawal, it's still truly sad.
i feel for you, Heart.

Cat

[heart]

Hi again.

Thanks all for the kind words of encouragement.
Things are now taking a turn for the better.
The cuts seem to have less of an impact and if they are bad, the effects are short lived.
At the moment the main problem is the headaches.

Her fondness for me is coming back  which is awesome!!! some times very strong. 
shes even stayed at our house on her own (while i go to work) a few times.

I found a few tricks to overcome the de-personalization.
I tell her to NOT look at peoples eyes on bad days but the eyebrows.
Also when sitting close, for long time (cuddling,chatting etc) I tend to set just behind her so she doesnt catch my eyes or face and freak herself.

she still gets bad flashing images in intrusive memories and this is definatly happens when stressed. Almost to the extent that if there is NO stress then the flashes go. So I do all I can to remove stress from her life.

I now also see that the spiteful or angry side of her is quickly dispersed by doing nothing.
Just ignore anything like this. They really have no idea what they are saying. If they did, they wouldn't say it.

One thing that is amazing is her longterm memory is flooding back. I dont know if this is a side effect of all this or her memory was getting repressed, but for example she can remember the names of all her classmates at junior school and where they sat (remember shes 43 now). (i couldnt tell you more than 3 of mine).
she can remember the colours of walls at my old houses, events I cannot remember from our teens in amazing detail. feels like an awakening for her

Heart

[cataleo]

Dear Heart,

i am so happy when reading ur message.
it's really great for u things are getting better now.
keep it up!

cat

[kizzy]

 i am in the uk try una at battle against tranqulisers bristol

[heart]

Oh Dear.
 
Things have taken a turn for the worse again.
Shes has not stayed over with me for a month now.
I went away for week, but she seem indifferent to my absence.
She seems to blame me for lot of stuff that has happend, some of it is true.
I have had trouble undertstanding the problems. We have had 26 years of health checks, hostpitaliztion, doctors, pshycyatrists... It was weekly changing.
Shes had brain scans, blood tests, specialits.
I honestly was initally skeptic that this was valium dependency, she has been diagnosed with so many things from diabetis to shingles.
After all, I have never heard of it.

So I feel guiltly and she cant seem to forgive me.

I admit we have had rows and I have been angry. We have been together for 27 years after all!

She seems to be able to remeber EVERY row we ever had.

Im getting pretty desperatly lonely now.
IM really thinking she will not forgive me... ever.

Heart

[Befuddled]

Oh Dear.
 
Things have taken a turn for the worse again.
Shes has not stayed over with me for a month now.
I went away for week, but she seem indifferent to my absence.
She seems to blame me for lot of stuff that has happend, some of it is true.
I have had trouble undertstanding the problems. We have had 26 years of health checks, hostpitaliztion, doctors, pshycyatrists... It was weekly changing.
Shes had brain scans, blood tests, specialits.
I honestly was initally skeptic that this was valium dependency, she has been diagnosed with so many things from diabetis to shingles.
After all, I have never heard of it.

So I feel guiltly and she cant seem to forgive me.

I admit we have had rows and I have been angry. We have been together for 27 years after all!

She seems to be able to remeber EVERY row we ever had.

Im getting pretty desperatly lonely now.
IM really thinking she will not forgive me... ever.

Heart

Hope it gets better for you.  I know what you are saying.  If women could remember all the good things we have done for them, rather than the negative stuff, life would be easier for couples.
                    JIM     

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